Whatever You Do PLEASE DON'T TRY!

I hate people who try.

You know once I took one of those personality tests and they said the best profession for me would be a Drill Sergeant.  I don't disagree really, I'm all about the doing of stuff.  Phrases like "will do", "can do" and "done" really turn me on.  Me likey.  But just think about it for a moment. . .you invite someone out for drinks with the girls, you ask someone to call you later, you tell your kid to behave in school, you ask your husband to remember to bring the books back to the library; and what do they all say:  "I'LL TRY".

Boy that shit really chaps my ass!  Honestly, you know damn good and well that even when you yourself say it you mean it more like you have no intention whatsoever of trying.  People use it as out.  "I'LL TRY" is a polite way to NOT do things.  If you read between the lines you'll find that more often than not when a person says they will try what it really means is that you probably can't or won't do it, you'll do it if nothing good is on TV, you'll do it if you find the time or when pigs fly or after you learn how to ice skate when hell freezes over.  I mean how many people who TRY to understand ever do?

The really important thing to take note of is that the fact that you tried is extremely irrelevant to any task or request you didn't complete or do.  People use trying all time as a consolation prize for NOT doing something.  "Well, at least you tried."  That is such bullshit!  If you tried to save yourself from being hit by a car would you sit in the hospital with your ass in a sling feeling self satisfied because at least you tried?!  What about Nike?  Would their slogan be as powerful if it said "Just TRY to do it"? And do you think people win awards and change the world by trying to discover or invent something?  As far as I know there has never been an acceptance speech that ended with "At least I tried."

Ok, I know that I'm getting myself a little worked up here but I'm almost done.  Promise me this: the next time you feel those two idiotic words rise to your lips just shut it up.  Practice not trying.  Make it a habit not to try.  And for the love of all that is holy please don't let anyone TRY to do anything for you because then you'll really have your ass in a sling!